Nami's Advice Column
by onepiece fanatic
Summary: title says it all... read and post a question rated T cause I'm suspecting people are going to want to ask Nami some THINGS later on that might not be appropriate for little kids... and for some language that will also come later
1. Intro to Things

Whew! I've been posting a lot recently! Well here's another one, except the title sort of says it all! This is an actual ADVICE column for our favorite carrot-headed, money-happy navigator… NAMI!!!

Nami: WHO'S money happy?

OPF: You've said so yourself! The only things you love are tangerines and money!

Nami: Well it's true!

OPF: so what are you getting all worked up for? You're a money happy person.

Well to start off, I'm going to actually ask Nami a question so you can see what sort of format to follow… please keep in mind that this is a completely random question that I just thought up off the top of my head.

* * *

_**Dear Nami,**_

_**Happen to know why Luffy almost never changes outfits during the entire series? It's sort of strange…**_

_**---onepiece fanatic**_

Dear onepiece fanatic,

If you want to know, ask him. I can hook you up with him if you'd like! You two can talk about things… -winks-

Ja ne!

---Nami

* * *

So yeah… (note: I'm a Zoro girl, just fyi) XD So push the nice button and post away! 


	2. Edition 1

Hello Nami-san!

Why does Luffy trust you with his hat more than anybody else?

Is there something else you love besides money and tangerines?

Well that's it… bye for now!

-Luna

**Dear Luna/ lunalove101,**

**Honestly, I have no idea why Luffy trusts me with his hat so much. That first time he did, I was crying… and those other times, I just happened to be around. **

**Is there something else I love besides money and tangerines? Well, sometimes I think I love L- I mean, NO! Money and tangerines are my ONLY TWO LOVES!! Did ya get that? ONLY LOVES!!**

**OPF: just admit it already, you love Luf-**

**SHUT UP YOU!!**

**OPF: … touchy…**

**Till next time!**

* * *

Hey Nami, 

Is there something weird under Sanji's hair? You're in much better position to find out than I am!

Sheri-chan

**Dear Sheri-chan,**

**I don't know… I've never actually given much thought to what's under Sanji's hair before. It's just, you know, a Sanji thing. Yes, I would be in much better position to find out (considering I'm actually in the show), but I never get time to look under there, considering that I'm usually busy yelling at the rest of the crew to stop goofing around. 'cough' Usopp 'cough' Luffy 'cough cough' **

**Have a nice day,**

**Nami**

**

* * *

**

If you liked, don't hesitate to post a question of your own! Then I can make these updates longer. If you all are good about that, maybe I'll bring in some of the other members now and then to sit in for Nami when she gets tired of this...


	3. Edition 2

Hi Nami!

You are my OP favorite character. I'm in love with you. Well, I'd like to see you with long hair at least once, even if you are beautiful with short hair.

Well the question is, why don't you have long hair? Don't like it?

See ya!!

From,

Kaizoku ou16

**Dear Kaizoku ou16,**

**Hm, long hair? Never really thought about that before… I personally think it would be sort of a pain! Hair takes a lot of maintenance and time when you're a girl, and I don't have that sort of time! **

**OPFan: Amen.**

**Gotta keep the crew in check and make sure we don't go completely off course. Those guys couldn't keep a straight course to save their lives.**

**Thanks for saying I'm your fave character!! 'wink wink' Maybe we could get together sometime!**

**Nami**

Dear Nami,

Err… you know when you steal, don't you have a guilty feeling? Or do you just feel nothing? If you feel nothing… 'cough' I don't want to owe you Beris, so ja ne!

From,

3xPyroxKatanas

**Dear 3xPyroxKatanas,**

**NO! The only people I ever stole from were pirates who had stolen that money from people in the first place! I don't feel a damn thing when I steal from them besides a feeling of success! Like a One Piece Robin Hood!**

**OPFan: Only… Robin Hood's a boy, and you keep all the money for yourself…**

**SHUT UP!! It makes me feel good!**

**OPFan: 'backs away slowly' Okay, okay… nice kitty…**

**Sincerely (while I try unsuccessfully to reach through the computer screen to strangle this girl), **

**Nami**


	4. Edition 3

Hi Nami-neesan!!

You're one of my favorite characters of One Piece series

I have two questions? (I hope that you don't get angry and yell to me...)

If I ask you for lend me 1 berrie (JUST ONLY ONE! ONE!) What you would do? and if y ask you for lend me 100 berries, you would kill me?

and another question...

Why your breasts are getting bigger every episode...?

from Flacacelecr13

**Dear Flacacelecr13,**

**Hm… if you asked me to borrow ONE Beli, I'd probably give it to you. But you'd have to pay me 500 percent interest!!**

**OPFan: -.-' That's so cheap…**

**And what's wrong with that, may I ask?! I need to benefit my own finances you know! 'hits on the head with her Clima Tact'**

**OPFan: oww… DAMMIT NAMI THAT HURT!!**

**THUNDERBOLT TEMPO!!**

**OPFan: GYAHH!! 'runs like hell'**

**As for your other question… I'll just say that I'm a growing girl! 'wink wink'**

**OPFan: OO**

**Ja ne!**

* * *

Dear Nami, 

1) Have you ever gotten caught stealing and had to give whatever you stole back? Or did you just run like the wind to get it to the safety of a place only you know of?

2)This is kind random but, what are your feelings on Zoro?

Me being a Zoro girl myself I couldn't help but ask!

From,

Smallstream

**Dear Smallstream,**

**Well whenever I got caught stealing when I was younger, I'd just run like hell and try to find some random hiding spot, hide, and hope that the people chasing me were idiots! (which most of the time they were…)**

**OPFan: some plan…**

'**ignoring the comment' Zoro? He's good looking, but the one I love is L- I mean, I only love money and tangerines! Got it?! MONEY AND TANGERINES!!**

**OPFan: 'clucks tongue' denial denial…**

**SHUT IT!! **

**OPFan: Then why are you so red?**

**I AM NOT!!! YOU OWE ME 1000 BELIS JUST FOR THAT ONE!!**

**OPFan: … whatever, you're still denying that you love Luf-**

'**whacks on the head with her Clima Tact' Ehehehe… thanks for writing!**

* * *

Hey Nami!! waves frantically 

I just want to announce that you're awesome and you rock!! (I still love Robin more than you sorry!) Um anyways...if you had the choice between choosing to save your life savings and I dunno...let me think of who...I'll just be mean for a second and silence my love for Robin and say that Robin fell off the boat and into the water...so yeah now your life savings are in the water and so is Robin and you can only save one...who or what would you save?? (YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DO IT...by the way.)...

Much love from da Tiger meister...

please don't hate me after this!

**Dear Tiger-the-great-Xtra,**

**If I had to choose between Robin and my life's savings?! 'goes into all sorts of 'thinking' poses' Ahh… that's really hard…**

**OPFan: WHAT THE HELL! YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT?!**

**CAN'T YOU STAY QUIET FOR ONE REPLY?! 'throws OPFan over the side of the ship' There, that should keep you quiet for a while.**

**OPFan: 'gurgle gurlge'**

**Hm… Robin or my money… Robin or my money… 'starts sweating'**

…

**AH THAT'S WAY TOO HARD!!**

**OPFan: 'surfacing' YOU'RE A DEVIL!!**

**SHUT IT YOU!**

**OPFan: you still haven't answered the question you know…**

…

**I know! I'd save Robin first…**

**OPFan: 'sighs in relief' Maybe you're not a devil after all…**

**Then I'd kick Sanji off the ship to save my money!!**

**OPFan: 'falls down' I take that back!!**

**Thanks for writing!**

* * *

Hi Nami, 

I wanna be like you, you have a great style, your clothes are so cool in the whole series.  
and... if I was you I'd kiss Luffy, I love him! Really! And here is the question: in the bed who'd be the best? (you know what I mean and don't mean that you already know it XDD) Luffy, Zoro or Sanji?

Bye, Bye, keep being so cool!!

From,

Arabasta20

**Dear Arabasta20,**

**Thanks! I like knowing that I've got my fans out there too! **

**OPFan: amazingly**

'**winks mischievously' You want to know something? Sometimes, I think I really would like to kis- I mean, I love L- I mean, money and tangerines!! I LOVE MONEY AND TANGERINES, GOT THAT?!**

**OPFan: whoa, no need to get so worked up there…**

'**actually reading the question' Whaaaa…**

**OPFan: 'edges away slowly'**

**I'm not sure. I've thought about doing it sometimes with L- I mean, WHAT SORT OF A QUESTION IS THAT?!?!?!**

**OPFan: 'snaps' DAMN, and she came THIS close to admitting it too…**

**WHAT THE HELL!? There's absolutely NO WAY I could love that damn thickheaded captain!**

**OPFan: Who said we were talking about Luffy? The only thing you've been saying is 'L-'**

**AHAHAHA… WE'LL END THIS HERE NOW! Thanks for writing!**

* * *

Dear Nami, 

Do you ever get annoyed with Sanji, has he ever done something stupidly perverted?

From,

ocean-view-luffy

**Dear ocean-view-luffy,**

'**stress mark' HAVE I EVER!! There was this one time while we were in Drum Kingdom. His back had gotten injured and he was crawling towards me, so I kneeled down to ask him what was wrong. The bastard just gets a heart in his eye and says something stupid about wanting to be wrapped up in my warm love, and he inches his face up towards my b-**

**OPFan: Ahahaha… no need to get into TOO much detail there Nami!!**

'**stress mark' Suppose you're right… I slammed his face into the ground for it though. Something else that also really got on my nerves was that I know (from certain reliable resources) that Sanji was the one who asked where the girl's bathing rooms were in Alabasta!! THE DAMN PERVERTED BASTARD WAS THE ONE WHO AS-**

**OPFan: OKAY NAMI NO NEED TO GET SO WORKED UP IT WAS ONLY A QUESTION!!**

**Ah well, I got them all back for it with my famous Nami PUNCH!!**

**OPFan: -.-'**

**Thanks for writing!**

* * *

Dear Nami, 

I have noticed that you have a very wide pairings system. I have seen you paired up with, among other people, Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Chopper, Robin, Vivi, Ranma from the series 'Ranma 1/2' and once with Kuro. So my eventual question is: will any of these pairings ever happen? Preferably Luffy. You two would make a great couple, and you can't exactly call Sanji loyal.

From,

Mr. Thumbsup

**Dear Mr. Thumbsup,**

**KURO?!?! WHAT BASTARD WROTE ABOUT ME BEING WITH THE DAMN CREEPY CAT DUDE?!**

**OPFan: Nami, calm down…**

**NO I WILL NOT! THE ONLY PERSON I WILL END UP BEING WITH IS LU- 'gasp'**

**OPFan: 'grins evilly' Yes? Do continue what you were saying! You'll end up being with who?**

**NOBODY! I LOVE ONLY MONEY AND TANGERINES AND THAT IS ALL I WILL EVER LOVE!!**

**OPFan: 'sigh' denial den- 'Nami punches OPFan into the water for the second time' GYAH!!**

**Thanks for writing!**

* * *

**Uh oh… looks like Nami ran away to cool off… I'm going to have to find her again. In the meantime, the next chapter will be dedicated to… ZORO!! **

**Zoro: WHEN did I agree to do this again?**

**Just now, and you have no choice!! 'ties him to the 'ask questions' chair' KAY EVERYONE!! READ THIS: ANY CHAPTERS THAT NAMI IS NOT IN, YOU MAY ALSO DO ANY ACTIONS OR RIDICULOUS THINGS TO THE PERSON WHO IS STANDING IN! LIKE THIS! 'throws a cream pie in Zoro's face'**

**Zoro: YOU DIE… NOW**

**So while I'm running away from this dude and hunting for Nami, post your stuff for Zoro!!**


	5. Edition 4 Zoro Special

**OPFan: 'kneels down at Zoro tied in the questions chair grinning evilly' Ready? People on this site really love to torture you, did you know that?**

**I hate you. When did I agree to do this again?!**

* * *

ZMG!! Zoro!! He's tied to that chair right? E hee hee. -Gets evil grin on face- 

Zoro I have a question. You like this? -Pushes Sanji into his lap- Ah ha ha!!

Love Zo-chan

**Sanji/Zoro: WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?!**

'**kicks Sanji off him' ZO YOU DIE RIGHT NOW!! OPFAN YOU LET ME OUT OF THIS DAMN CHAIR RIGHT THIS INSTANT!**

**OPFan: No way! XP**

* * *

'screams' I love you Zoro! 'kisses him' Oh I have a few questions for you, and no trying to slip past them or I'll hit you with a hammer. 'brings hammer out' 

Ahem, my questions are:

1. Did you ever like Kuina more then just a friend?

2. Who would you go out with, Nami or Robin? And no saying neither!

Well that's it. For NOW anyway.

-Masaichu.

'**breaks out of the chair and pushes Masaichu away' Fangirl. Stay. Away.**

**she was my rival, nothing more**

**I'm saying NO. Nami's a monster and Robin's almost ten years older than I am**

**OPFan: AH! HE GOT OUT OF THE CHAIR!! 'chases' SIT BACK DOWN!!**

**Pipe down, I'll answer questions! Anything wrong about not wanting to be tied to a chair?**

**OPFan: um... 'glances at the next review nervously'**

* * *

'smirks' hey haramaki, i've always wanted to do this once... 

'grabs a marker and draws on his face' there... done!

anyways

1. if you didn't mean luffy, what would have happened?

2. are you grateful that luffy saved you?

3. were you or luffy almost ever eaten by giant sea monsters? i saw in youtube in the one piece interview that you and luffy almost were

4. do you like nami?

5. how much belis do you owe nami?

From,

3xPyroxKatanas

**PYRO YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT SO I CAN SLICE YOU UP!!**

**OPFan: Pyro, you are soooooooo lucky I managed to get him back into the chair…**

**I really don't want to answer your questions, but 'glances at OPFan looming above him with an 1000 lb anvil' I don't have a choice.**

**if I didn't meet him, I'd probably be dead**

**yeah I'm grateful. If I wasn't, you wouldn't catch me dead on this ship for a million years**

**I honestly forgot **

**OPFan: booze does bad things to your brain **

**SHUT UP!!**

**why would I like that demon of a woman?**

**i dunno, ask her and see if she charges you**

* * *

Zoro? Ok, i hope you find Nami, beecause i have lot of things to question her, I'm in love with her, well, let's go with Zoro! 

I have 2 questions:

a) If you had to choice between Nami and Robin for a girlfriend, Which one would you pick?

b) I've tried to talk with something in my mouth like you with your sword but i can't, How do you do that thing?

See Ya!!

kaizoku ou16

**You must have no life to be able to love a demon like that.**

**OPFan: OI! Be nice, this is NAMI'S column! You're only here till I find her!**

**GO LOOK FOR HER THEN INSTEAD OF STANDING AROUND HERE AND LAUGHING WHILE YOU WRITE THIS UP!!**

**what is with people asking me this question?! NEITHER. Nami's a demon and Robin's 10 years older than I am… also way to logical for my liking**

**I dunno… ventriloquism?**

**OPFan: wow... 'reads the next review' shit... 'tightens the ropes on the chair'**

* * *

OMG! ZORO! 'tackles' Sorry...Can I ask more questions? Well no matter what I'm saying something:D 

Ok then. Here's your questions Marimo-kun!

1) What would you do if I died your hair pink?

2) Did you know that I know where you live?

Alrighty then:D Have fun answering my questions and speak the truth, okay? Good.

-lunalove101

**WHAT THE HELL IS IT WITH PEOPLE AND DYING MY HAIR PINK?!?! **

**OPFan: 'shakes head and clucks' luna, you are so lucky he's tied up…**

**AND THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD KNOWS WHERE I LIVE! I LIVE ON THE THOUSAND SUNNY, DAMMIT!!**

**OPFan: no need to get so worked up... you can't do anything you know, you're still in the ch- 'recieves a blow to the stomach' AH! WHEN DID YOU...?**

* * *

Dear Zoro, 

-tsk tsk- And I thought you were mister tough guy. Can't even get out of a chair. Anyways, what are your feelings on yaoi fanfics?  
I've seen you paired with Sanji,Luffy,Usopp,Ace,Smoker,male OC characters, and lots more very creepy ones. Honestly, I don't think you could get even more creeped out by people writing about you and Sanji fucking each other.

From,  
Smallstream

'**eyebrow twitch' I've already gotten out of the chair twice, dammit…**

**People who do that have weird, twisted minds… not to mention too much time on their hands…**

**OPFan: 'shiver' ahahahaha… no need to go into too much detail there... 'reads the next review then pushes Zoro back into the chair and ties him up with steel chains' **

**OI! WHAT'RE YOU DOING!?!?**

**OPFan: saving the next reviewer's life, what's it look like?**

* * *

Well...when Nami comes back you should tell her that she should start charging people to do this stuff to Zoro!! She would make a bajillion bellis eventually! Okay...now for da torture!! (background music is heard) What the heck?? (looks around) 

Okay...anywayz...(gets out make-up kit and makes Zoro look like a beauty school reject) MUHAHAHAHA!!

**WHAT THE HELL!!**

**OPFan: everyone, keep all mirrors away 'fangirls all whip out their compact mirrors with annoying fangirl giggles' 'slaps forehead' oh shit…**

'**silence'**

'**tries to get out of the chair' DAMN YOU TIGER I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AND CHOP YOU TO BITS THEN THROW YOU INTO THE OCEAN THEN SPIT ON YOU THEN I'LL DRAIN OUT ALL YOUR BITS AND THEN KILL YOU AGAIN AND SPIT ON WHATEVER'S LEFT AN-**

**OPFan: THAT'S ENOUGH FROM YOU, DON'T DISS THE READERS, THEY GIVE THE REVIEWS! 'fangirls all swoon' 'looks at them with a twitching eye' and just what are YOU ALL doing in here?! OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT!!**

**Fangirls and (insert your name here if you are a fangirl): Zooooooooooooro-kuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun...!!**

**'eye twitching'**

**OPFan: GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE OBSESSED FANGIRLS!! 'pushes them all out the door with extreme difficulty'**

* * *

**OPFan: Whew… that was an exhausting chapter…** **OPFan: 'sweatdrop' well, the good news is, I've found Nami (sulking in her tangerine grove and almost killing me when I got too close), so she'll be back for the next few rounds of questions/actions! If you're good about asking/ actions, then maybe I'll bring this guy back…**

**IN YOUR DREAMS! I'M NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN!!**

**OPFan: 'more sweatdrop' well whatever, I'll bring in someone from the crew… I hope you enjoyed! **


	6. Edition 5

**Okay, well I found Nami sulking in her tangerine grove…**

**Nami: I WAS NOT SULKING!!**

… **so here's the next update! Ready Nami?**

**Nami: You owe me BIG**

'**shivers'**

Dear Nami,  
I am yet again asking about your annoyances with Sanji. Do you approve of his "No Marimo" concept? Do you think it's because him and Zoro are in constant fight for dominace and he knows Zoro is totally seme? Cause seriously... Zoro can ukeifie Sanji like that -snaps fingers-

ocean-view-luffy

**Dear ocean-view-luffy,**

**Sanji-kun, huh? His arguments with Zoro have nothing to do with me.**

**OPFan: That's sort of cold, isn't it?**

**It's okay. 'smiles angelically' It really doesn't, unless I get caught up in it somehow. Then I get mad.**

**OPFan: 'shivers' suddenly, I'm getting a sense of impending doom…**

'**laughs innocently'**

**Thanks for writing!**

**Nami**


	7. Edition 6

**OPFan: Yosh, next round of questions! Ready?**

**BRING IT ON!!! 'punches the air'**

* * *

Dear Nami, 

As one of the two girls on the ship, I can only assume the level of rowdyness is getting on your nerves. Mainly because it's made of mostly men. In any case, I disapprove of Brook being on the crew. Getting Lola on the crew would definetly turn some heads, mainly because with a shadow animating her, she could easily leave the Triangle and stay with the crew, using her wedding-style martial arts to maul anyone in her path. And since the manga is taking so freaking long to make new chapters each month, I can only assume fillers by the dozen will pop up so you could test your improved Clima Tect on other people. So here's my questions for you:

1. How many maps have you made so far and could you label the places?

2. I notice that awhile you said that you dislike short hair, you seem to be growing it out anyways during the CP9 saga. Was it a hazard during your fight with that sheepish secretary?

3. Although you may not want to 'marry' Absalom, he may give you a expensive diamond ring, as well as access to all his treasures. That, and the fact that no harm will be done to you by his zombies as Luffy and Sanji trash the ship island, will you outright refuse the large treasures that the lionman has?

4. After all, he's definetly no zombie if he can access that sort of power of 'fade-fade', and thus would protect you even if Gecko Moria ordered your shadow extracted. So in a way, will you agree to marry him in order to get both the treasure and a powerful crew member who would protect you with his life?

From,

Super Hurricane

**Dear Super Hurricane,**

**Who's Lola? And Brook? And Absalom? And Gecko Moria?**

**OPFan: TT I'M SORRY! I'm only as caught up as the anime is, which is right where Franky tells the crew he wants to build them a ship from Adam wood…**

**I've made a TON of maps. Enough so that I don't want to name all the places without getting paid to do it. 'smiles nicely' Although it's not as many as I would like… haven't had that much free time with all the guys on board…**

**Not particularly. I look pretty cute with short hair, if I do say so myself.**

……

……

**OPFan: AGAIN, I APOLIGIZE!! TT PLEASE FORGIVE ME! 'bow'**

**Uh… okay OPFan, no need to go overboard with that…**

**Thanks for writing!**

**Nami**

* * *

Nami! Is it wrong to write about Zoro and Sanji doing the nasty? -sniffle- Do you think its wrong?? -hic- Do you hate me?!? -SOB- 

Zo-zemonkeySan

**Dear Zo-zemonkeySan,**

**Zoro… and Sanji… 'doing the nasty'? 'eyebrow twitch'**

'**suddenly gets an evil smile'**

**OPFan: damn, I haven't seen a smile that evil in a looooooong time…**

**Show it to Sanji or Zoro, either one of them, I don't really care! XD I'LL CHARGE YOU 1,000,000,000,000 BELI IF YOU DON'T!!! And as long as you show it to one of them sooner or later (preferably sooner) then I don't really mind! 'smiles angelically'**

**OPFan: NANI?!? YOU ARE EVIL!!! Zo, you'd better pack up and run for your life…**

**Thanks for writing!**

**Nami**

* * *

Hm...Okay, Nami. As an official shipper stalker of A certain shipping, I must question you. 

1) If all your crewmates with devil fruit powers fell overboard into the sea, who would you worry about the most?

2)What do you think of LuNa?

3)If Luffy became the Pirate King, would you hope there is a position for Queen?

4) Did you enjoy the torture of Zoro in the last columm?

Asteriah, the Cs, LuNa, and Flinx Stalker C

**Dear CSFlinxStalker,**

**I would be worried about L- I mean, none of them! They'd be fine 'cause I'd throw Sanji and Zoro and Usopp and Franky in to save them!**

**OPFan: you're a devil… and what was that about the 'L-'?**

**NOTHING! Nothing! The only things I love are money and tangerines!**

**OPFan: …who said we were talking about love?**

'**cough' Anyways, second question…. 'reads' I'm not going to answer that.**

**OPFan: I think you already let it slip.**

**Ahahaha… third question! 'reads' … I'm not going to answer that one either.**

**OPFan: Yup, she really loves Lu-**

'**whacks OPFan over the head with her Clima Tact' THAT'S ENOUGH FROM YOU! THIS IS MY COLUMN, WHY THE HELL DO YOU KEEP POPPING UP?!**

**OPFan: owie…**

**You all gave me some great ideas in the last edition! 'smiles evilly' Now lemme see… where did I put the pink hair dye?**

**Thanks for writing!**

**Nami**

* * *

Yeah Nami-san is back, i have a few questions for you my dear brown-eyed girl: 

a) What is the most diffucult thing? Predict the weather in Grand Line or keep control on Luffy and others?

b) Who do you prefer as nakama, Vivi or Robin?

c) Which is your favorite clothes, i mean that you've already used in the series? I like the Skypiea and Water 7 clothes.

d) What do i need to do if i want to date with you? (besides to live in the series)

Thanks, and i'm in love with you!

See Ya!!

kaizokuou16

**Dear kaizokuou16,**

**It's always good to hear from my fans! 'waves'**

**I have to say… keep control of Luffy and the others. 'sweatdrop' Weather on the Grand Line is unpredictable, but those guys are even worse.**

**Robin. She gave me Crocodile's jewels when she first came onto the ship.**

**OPFan: that's a good reason… if you're Nami…**

**I'm really thinking about wearing my first clothes again, just for old time's sake… I really liked my clothes during the Davy Back fight though, and maybe during the big Soccer King Cup…**

**You have to pay me, and be prepared, you'll have to be prepared to pay BIG. Per minute slots available.**

**OPFan: wow…**

**Thanks for writing!**

**Nami**

* * *

Dear Nami,  
I want to tell you, that I'm a great fan of you, although I have to say, that Robin is my favourite character. Hm... mistake to say this? ;-)  
I've got a few questions to you: 

1. What do you think about the bounty on your head?

2. What do you think about a relationship with Sanji or Chopper?

3. What will you do after you made the perfect map?

4. What do you think about being a pirate-queen?

5. Could you tell Robin that I want to date her?

Love, abtacha

**Dear abtacha,**

'**Sokay for you to like Robin. I've got lots of fans too. 'winks at the Nami-fan-club'**

'**obnoxious yelling and catcalls' See?**

**The bounty on my head? I have to say that I'm pretty pleased. My picture on it is awesome, and I say it's about time I got one.**

'**eye twitch' …**

**I've got to go all the way home and show it to everybody!**

'**Pirate-queen'? Not too bad, I'd be in control of all the wealth in the world! But wait… I would need to first… **

**OPFan: 'points' You're blushing!!**

**NO I'M NOT!! Ahem… how much will you pay me to tell Robin you want to date her? You need to bribe me first!**

**OPFan: …that's not something to be proud of…**

**Shut up.**

**Thanks for writing!**

**Nami**

* * *

Dear Nami, 

Im trying to steal money from my parent cuz they refuse to lend me some. How do u think i should get the money?

--OnePieceDude

**Dear OnePieceDude,**

**Hm… wait for a quiet moment and steal their wallet. Unload some cash and put it back before they notice you. With practice, you could do it so well that you can do it when your parents are in the same room, even!**

**OPFan: Nami… stealing money from parents is not a GOOD thing…**

'**evil smile' What was that again?**

**OPFan: Nothing! Nothing…**

**Thanks for writing!**

**Nami**

* * *

**Yosh, so keep the questions coming!!!**


	8. Edition 7

OPFan: Alright, let's get this thing going!! Sorry for the really long wait…

There better not be any perverted questions!

OPFan: 'glances nervously at the agenda' O-k-a-a-a-a-a-y…………

…..

* * *

**"Nami's question" have you ever thrown Sanji, Zoro, or Usopp overboard? also what about that happiness punch thing in alabesta! did u even think about the results of flashing the guys! Sanji will probably spy on u in the bath or shower (whatever you do to wash yourself), you have corrupted poor Luffy's mind (me think he like you soo he peeked at you with all the other guys), i don't even want to know about Usopp, Zoro probably just looked away, and everybody else i don't know**

**Kaiser Aldamon**

Dear Kaiser Aldamon,

OPFan: Hm, that would be interesting! Hey, Nami, what do you th-

TORNADO TEMPO!!

OPFan: GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WHY ME?! 'disappears into the sky with a little star'

Have I ever thrown them overboard? I don't recall doing that… I'd rather keep them on the boat so I can hit them whenever. And guys are all perverts anyways-

OPFan: 'miraculously recovered' That's not necessarily true, Nami. Zoro had a sense of honor and didn't peek!

Shut up. You're a girl, so what would you know about being a guy? Anyways, Luffy's probably seen at least one woman's body before in his whole life, like when he was three or something.

OPFan: Yeah, but he's seen one recently. YOURS with your perverted Happiness Punch thing-

Would you like to see it?

OPFan: THE HELL?! I'M A GIRL!!!

Thanks for writing!

Nami

* * *

**I have written a story and I know that OPFantic has read it.  
If Yuki actual existed what do you think you would do about it.**

**From,**

**wheathermangohanssj14**

Dear wheathermangohanssj14,

Why should I care if there are girls who hang all over Luffy?! It's not like it BOTHERS me or anything!

OPFan: Denial, tsk tsk.

SHUT UP RIGHT NOW.

Thanks for writing!

Nami

* * *

**Hi Nami!**

**  
I want to know... which do you find weirder:**

**  
The fact that I found Sanji going through your stuff****  
or the fact that he was wearing your clothes and dancing around to "baby got back"**

**From,**

**ocean-view-luffy**

Dear ocean-view-luffy,

'eye twitch' W-w-w-what?!

OPFan: You have to choose one option you know.

'shudders' Well, both options are disgusting, but the second one is MUCH worse…

Thanks for writing!

Nami

* * *

**1) Why don't you admit you really like Luffy?**

**2) (Here's one for you, OPFan!) Did you watch episode 254 of One Piece? OMG, that's my favorite!**

**From,**

**lunalove101**

Dear lunalove101,

I DO NOT LIKE LUFFY. THE ONLY THINGS I LOVE ARE MIKAN AND MY MONEY!!!

OPFan: You just wait and see, one of them's going to break down later in the series. When Luffy carries Nami to safety after destroying two buildings? XD I thought that was such a sweet moment! And Luffy finds out about Robin! Awesome episode!! 'gets starry eyed'

Okay…

Thanks for writing!

Nami

* * *

**Hello, Nami. **

**1.Does Luffy's skin actually chafe like rubber when he's rescuing you, etc? Or is it soft, or calloused, maybe?**

**2.Does Chopper stink when he gets wet?**

**3.Can I write a fanfiction with you in it? I need your blessing, you see. (I have the moolah.)**

Dear Lau the Unbreakable/ Saiyan Angie,

Well… Luffy's skin is just like any other human's… probably just the insane elasticity and rubber capabilities, but he's a human too. It's really warm… 'suddenly turns a flaming red' I DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!!

OPFan: Yes, you did.

Chopper? I dunno… never really thought about it before.

Yup! Just no ridiculous pairings… you'd be surprised. That'll be 1,000,000 Beli though.

OPFan: THAT'S TOO MUCH!

Thanks for writing!

Nami

* * *

**  
2.who do you LOVE besides money and tangerines? MONEY AND TANGERINES DONT COUNT AS "WHO"S!**

**  
3.i think movie 7 is creepy. it shows off your breasts too much.**

**ok... nami, g2g**

**TAKO**

Dear THE EVIL TAKONO,

'twitch' I remember you from the other Advice Column… Zoro and Robin?! Um…

OPFan: 'raises a hand' I have to say I disagree to that, no offense, I'm just saying, Robin's 28 and Zoro's 18… ten year difference people!

I love L- NOTHING BESIDES MONEY AND TANGERINES!! Though I do love the whole crew, they're like my family! FAMILY!!

When we went to the machine island place? Yeah…

Sanji'd just get a nosebleed if I did it again.

OPFan: She doesn't know about the Bon Clay and Sanji fight then, I guess…

What?

OPFan: NOTHING!!

Luffy: Na? Did someone call me?

OPFan: OUT!! 'kicks Luffy out' He'll be back next chapter, **we'll have all the guys in the next chapter!**

Thanks for writing!

Nami

* * *

**(1 What is your most cherished memory sense you have become a straw hat?**

**(2 Did you ever find out that it was not a giant bazooka they were walking towards you with on sky island but instead a giant gold pillar from the golden bell?**

**(3 do you ever wish that Franky would wear more than his sea panties all the time? XD**

**(4 what would you say is more often your favorite time of the day?**

**(5 have you ever had thoughts of wanting to be a mother? and if so what do you think of the first thing your child seeing being reindeer hoofs:p cause you know chopper is the only one who can deliver your children being hes the only Dr. on the ship**

**thanks for reading,**

**Betamav**

Dear Betamav,

Thanks! 'accepts cake' That was sweet of you!

Cherished memory? I dunno… the day I became a Straw Hat for real, I guess… but there've been so many good times since then, it would be impossible to choose one from them all.

SAY WHAT?!?!? THAT HUGE THING WAS GOLD?!?!?!

OPFan: Oh damn… well, now she knows…

AAAAAARGH!! WE COULD HAVE GOTTEN SO MUCH MORE MONEY!!!

OPFan: You couldn't have taken it down with you in the first place, it would have sunk the ship!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGHHHHHHH!!!!

Franky… yeah, it would be nice if he wore pants, but then, he wouldn't be Franky, you know?

Franky: OW! DAMN RIGHT!!

OPFan: GET OUT!!! THE GUY'S SPECIAL IS NEXT CHAPTER!!

My favorite time of day… I like seeing the sun rise, since it's the start of another day!

Thanks for writing!

Nami

**

* * *

Nami, I would like these questions answered...truthfully grins evilly**

**1) What would you do if you walked into a room in the ship and caught Zoro and Sanji doing the nasty? (...now I'm gonna be sick, but so're you!)**

**2) As a writer in favor of LxN, I would like to ask, which pairing do you like most of you being paired with? What I mean is pairings like SanjixNami, ZoroxNami, LuffyxNami, UsoppxNami, NamixVivi, NamixRobin, NamixArlong (I read a fict on the adultfanfict site!), NamixAce, and well, you should have already figured it out!**

**3) Is it true that you still love berries after the Water 7 arc? I haven't gotten there, yet, long way to go but if it is, is there a...certain something that has given cause for you to be so...less greedy?**

**4) Straight off the bat, what do you think of Yaoi ficts that pair Luffy off with any other guy being not just Zoro, Sanji or Usopp (sorry Chopper but it's already disturbing as it sounds), along with Smoker, Crocodile, Shanks or even his own brother Ace!? And answer it TRUTHFULLY! By the way, I think Ace, Shanks, and Smoker are cool, oh and give Zoro and Sanji my regards too! Usopp? Eh, he's alright, for comic relief.**

**5) Last one: If Luffy were to ask if you wanted to become his Pirate Queen, would you accept? Also, do you love having Sanji swoon over you? Oh and have Luffy around for the first part and Sanji for the second.**

**leans self onto chair to relax Ah...speaking of which, I love tangerines, can I eat one?**

Dear Raven the Ravenous,

'freezes and turns a faint shade of green'

OPFan: 'gets a bucket of water'

T-thanks OPFan…

WHOEVER WROTE THE MExARLONG NEEDS TO DIE RIGHT NOW!!! Though I don't mind being paired with L- nevermind.

OPFan: 'groans' Aw, so close…

I've got my own bounty now! And our flat-broke journey continues, unhappily… 'sobs' I still love ONLY mikan and money!!

…

OPFan: I'm not too sure about Nami, since she's not saying anything, but I've got to say that I don't like yaoi or yuri.

… no one asked you… anyways, Pirate Queen! Damn, I'd be rich!! Sanji-kun's obsession is sweet.

OPFan: You take advantage of him.

No I don't! By the way, my tangerines were Bellemere-san's, so they cost 1,000,000,000,000 Beli. Cough up!

Thanks for writing!

Nami

* * *

**Nami and Luffy sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G frist comes love then comes marrage and then comes a baby in a baby carrage!**

**Luffy: wow i like it! it sounds funny! what does K-I-S-S-I-N-G Spell?**

**Face it you love Luffy in all his stupidity and you want his whole world to revolve around you**

**Ruby:And that's bad because Luffy's my husband and just because Luffy thinks of you as a friend and won't hit you for hitting me doesn't mean my father Red-Haired Shanks will not kick your fake redhead for it! And an other thing you are a b-**

**LuffyxRuby(covers Ruby's mouth) Sorry about that Ruby's like that sometimes it's her fatal flaw anyway I'm a big fan of the LuffyxNami pairing since sadly shanks didn't have any children in the series so he thought of Luffy as his own son witch is so cool**

**now for the ?'s**

**1.If Luffy told you he loved you more than anything else in the world including being the Pirate King and eating meat what would you do? Faint or do something naughty (I would faint but that's me!)**

**From,**

**LuffyxRuby**

Dear LuffyxRuby,

Hm? Did you say something?

OPFan: Eh… sorry, she put on earplugs when you started the poem… 'takes them out'

I don't know what I'd do if Luffy said he loved me. Hug, maybe?

OPFan: 'smirk'

What? I really think so! AND NO I DO NOT LOVE LUFFY!!!!!!

OPFan: Yeah right…

Thanks for writing!

Nami

* * *

**ALRIGHT EVERYONE REMEMBER THAT THE NEXT CHAPTER IS A SPECIAL FOR ALL THE GUYS, INCLUDING LUFFY, ZORO, SANJI, CHOPPER, USOPP, AND FRANKY!!**


	9. Edition 8 All the Guys Special

Wow… we're in for a pretty hectic edition. But what do you expect when you have all the male members of the Mugiwara-kaizoku dan in one room? And Nami's not around to help me keep control of all these testosterone-pumping idiots… oh well...

* * *

**Hey Luffy,**

**What do YOU think about the LuNa pairing?**

**weathermangohanssj14**

Dear weathermangohanssj14,

Luffy: Luna? Isn't that Latin for 'moon'?

S-I-L-E-N-C-E

Luffy: What?

OPFan: Since when do YOU know Latin?!

Luffy: … ho hum…

OPFan: Anyways, luna does mean moon, but this is LuNa we're talking about, as in LuffyxNami.

Luffy: Huh?

OPFan: God, and I don't even get paid for this job… as in, romance between Luffy, you, and Nami, your carrot-headed navigator.

Luffy: Romance?

OPFan: 'falls down' I give up.

Thanks for writing!

Luffy

* * *

- 

Oh yeah, since the guys'll come, here's just one question:

Luffy and Chopper, I know you were both witnesses to that 'painful' scene involving Robin and Franky's 'men'. Oogh, it's too painful to even say! But since Robin's not here, I'm just gonna say it: What were your thoughts on seeing that scene? And Luffy, knowing that Nami seems to love beating you up the most, giving you the most lumps for some shifty eyes reason, what would you do if she threatened to uh...crush your 'men'? Please, be truthful and as for Zoro and Sanji, be glad you were NOT there and Franky, every man can understand your pain. WATCH YOURSELF GUYS!

Dear Raven the Ravenous,

Luffy: 'gets blue lines on his head from the memory' It was painful watching in…

Chopper: 'falls down, twitching'

OPFan: Oh dear, it looks like the memory was too much for Chopper… I'm not a guy, so I was actually laughing my head off during that episode.

Franky: YOU'RE A DEVIL!!!! HOW CAN YOU LAUGH AT A MAN'S PAIN LIKE THAT?!

OPFan: 'Cause you were doing the happy dance!

Franky: THAT WAS NOT A HAPPY DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!

OPFan: Oh well, you were dancing and it was funny.

Luffy: 'shivers' Nami punches like Gramps… if she does anything like that to me, I'd probably die since she's got that monster-like strength.

Sanji: 'hearts flying madly everywhere' I want Nami-san to-

Zoro: Shut up right now you idiotic perverted dartboard brow.

OPFan: 'sweatdrops' THANK YOU Zoro…

Sanji: WHAT WAS THAT?! WANNA FIGHT?!

Zoro: BRING IT ON!!!

'dustcloud forms with the odd foot, head, and fist sticking out'

Thanks for writing…

Luffy, Chopper, Franky, Sanji, Zoro

* * *

**Alright, I have one question for each guy:  
Luffy, who do you love more? Meat or your nakama?  
Zoro, would you ever go on a date with Tashigi?  
Sanji, would you ever use the Fire Leg (Diablo Jambe or Devil Wind) on Zoro?  
Chopper, would you jump into the ocean to save a nakama?  
Ussop, who would you rather date? Nami, Vivi or Robin?  
And finally Franky, have you ever ripped your speedo swimsuit thing in front of anyone before?**

**animatedrose**

Dear animatedrose,

Luffy: I love 'em both!!

OPFan: You're only supposed to choose one!!

Luffy: 'pouts' That's too hard…

Crew: OI!!!

Zoro: NO.

OPFan: 'shivers' Oh my god that's a scary face…

Zoro: WHAT WAS THAT?!

OPFan: 'hides behind the mast' Nothing! Nothing… nothing…

Zoro: 'suspicious glare'

Sanji: Nah… the marimo-head probably wouldn't be able to take it. He's not strong enough.

Zoro: WHAT WAS THAT?!

OPFan: 'whacks 'em both on the head with the butt end of a pikestaff' DON'T YOU TWO START AGAIN!!!

Zoro, Sanji: Yes ma'am…

Chopper: Yes! I would!! Nakama are more important than anything!!!

OPFan: Chopper-kun! KAWAII!!!

Chopper: 'squiggle dance' Shut up, I'm not cute you asshole!

OPFan: Of course you are! And you're the best doctor in the whole wide world!!

Chopper: S-Shut up!! Your words don't make me happy at all! Get away from me, you asshole!!

Usopp: Lemme see… Nami's too scary, Robin's ten years older than me… and Vivi's a princess! No, none of them, I think… I have someone waiting for me on Syrup Island-

OPFan: Kaya, right? She's studying hard to become a doctor just for you!

Usopp: 'goes a flaming red' Ah… wait, how the hell do you know that?!

OPFan: I watch the anime, dimwit.

Usopp: I'm not a dimwit!

Franky: NO I HAVE NOT!! The only time I've gone with them off in public is because these damn kids stole my speedo…

OPFan: Someone's in denial. Stepping onto that ship'll be the best thing that's ever happened to you, you just wait and see.

Franky: Shut up.

Thanks for writing!

Luffy, Zoro, Usopp, Sanji, Chopper, Franky

* * *

1. can i have a kiss?  
2. which boy would you say is your best friend?  
3. whats the NICEST thing you can say about ZORO?? not his swords, HIM!! SAY THE NICEST THING! 

YO LUFFY!!

1. (gives you tons of meat) I HAVE TONS MORE MEAT IN THE FREEZER!  
2. LETS GO PLAY MARIO PARTY 8!  
3. if kumadori was on the crew, whats the 1st thing you'd do? i mean if he was NEVER in cp9.

HOLA USOPPU!

1. (gives u a dendenmushi) now you can talk to kaya ALL you want! i gave her a denden mushi too!  
2. (gives you a mic) SING KAREOKE!!  
3. if you had the chance, would you bring gol d roger to life?

CHOPPY!! (hugs)  
1. CUTIE!! U SO CUTE!!  
2. u kno wats weird? your birthday is christmas eve, and your nose reminds me of rudolph! (explains christmas to you)  
3. (gives you mic) SING!!

**Bye bye!!**

**THE EVIL TAKONO**

Dear TAKONO,

Sanji: MELLORINE!! Of course you may!!

OPFan: PLEASE do not start making out in front of us, we do have other questions to go on to…

Sanji: 'glares at OPFan' My best friend? ...well, Luffy's sort of like everyone's best friend on this ship. It's not exactly a fair question to have to ask me to choose…

OPFan: So noble…

Sanji: You think so, OPFan-chan?!

OPFan: It's called sarcasm.

Sanji: 'doesn't pay attention' Ah, my heart melts at the sight o-

OPFan: Get to the last question!!

Sanji: Right… the marimo-head? 'thinks really hard'

_Silence…_

Zoro: If your thinking what I think you're thinking, you're about to die.

Sanji: Nothing really.

Luffy: 'laughs insanely' I want meat!! MEAT!!! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Crew: 'all hit Luffy' SHUT UP!!

Luffy: Ow… by the way, what's Mario Party 8?

OPFan: Better not ask him to play… he'd probably forget that it isn't just little colored pixels and break the TV trying to win the game…

Luffy: Huh?

OPFan: Nothing… just answer the last question…

Luffy: Kumadori… the guy with the weird pink hair?

Chopper, Usopp, Franky: I'D KILL HIM.

OPFan: The idea he was never on CP9 is in play here you guys…

Luffy: His hair was cool!

Usopp: 'takes the DenDen Mushi' AWESOME!! Now I can ask how she i- I mean, what's going on at home.

OPFan: Transparent, you are.

Usopp: ON SNIPER ISLAND, THAT IS WHERE I WAS BORN, 100 SHOTS, 100 HITS-

OPFan: THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT!!! I've heard that song too many times…

Usopp: Gol D Roger? Hm… maybe. He must have been a fearsomely powerful man! Yeah, I would have liked to meet him!

OPFan: If he wasn't fighting against you…

Usopp: 'pales'

Chopper: I'M NOT CUTE, YOU ASSHOLE!! 'squiggle dance'

Crew: 'sweatdrops'

Chopper: Yeah! But Rudolph's nose was red…

OPFan: Why do I feel that Oda did that on purpose?

Chopper: Huh? Who's Oda?

OPFan: 'stuck for an answer' Um… a person.

Chopper: I don't want to sing!

Franky: I WILL NOT WEAR PANTS!! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF HOW SUPREMELY SUPA I AM!!

OPFan: But the fact that you wear speedos is why the Mugiwara-Kaizoku dan forced you to join them…

Franky: That was a good thing!

Crew: 'gapes' He admitted it…!!!!

Franky: 'ignores' I'm SUUUUUUUUUUUPAAAAAAA!! 'takes out his guitar and grabs the mike' THIS SONG IS CALLED 'THE HEROIC MAN OF THE OCEAN WHO STOOD AGAINST THE WORLD IN HIS SPEEDOS!!!'

OPFan: THAT TITLE'S TOO LONG! And the subject matter is another issue altogether…

Zoro: 'snore'

Luffy, Chopper, Usopp: SING SING SING!!! 'dance around crazily'

Sanji: 'sucks on his cigarette like nothing's going on'

OPFan: I give up.

Thanks for writing!

Luffy, Zoro, Usopp, Sanji, Chopper, Sanji

* * *

OPFan: Okay, I'm done. Man, I'm so tired… Back to the regular agenda! Nami's back! Oh, don't tell Nami I said this, but I think it'll be interesting to see how quickly you all can drive her crazy. Just a suggestion for the next edition! 

Oh by the way, if you sign up for look me up! I have two playlists up, one with all the One Piece openings and endings, and the other has the One Piece cast karaoke, which is awesome! XD


End file.
